The Upside and Downside of "The Usual"

You’ve seen it on TV, or in movies, right? A guy walks into a diner and says, “I’ll have The Usual.” And the person behind the counter knows just what to do. In minutes, they’ve got their “usual.”

All my life I’ve wanted to do that. But here’s my problem: I love variety. So not only do I love to go to different restaurants, coffee shops, diners…but I also seldom order the same thing twice! Makes it pretty tough to have a “usual”!
All that has changed for me recently…

I’ve been having a blast working on some writing projects these days. I’ve been getting up real early in the mornings to write, and I generally head to this great little coffee shop just a mile or two from my house. When I swing open the door, I’m greeted by name…and they often hand me “my” drink. I’m anticipated, recognized, and personally welcomed!

Do the students in your ministry feel that way, too?

I hope most of ours do. One of my biggest worries is for the student who doesn’t sense that. We make it a huge priority to get students connected to a consistent, caring adult in our ministry. We want them to know that at least one specific person is really looking forward to seeing them! No matter how many or how few students in a room, there’s gigantic value in being “anticipated”…and greeted by name.

But there’s also a snag in this concept of The Usual.

I’m not a coffee aficionado, so I’m not too picky about my java. But recently, I really felt like trying a dark roast. However, as I approached the counter, a smiling face was already handing me…The Usual. No big deal, but it made me wonder about times when “familiarity” can be less good in student ministry.

Eric always likes to talk about the Cubs, and he likes that I know his favorite players. But what if this week he’s ready to “try something different?” Maybe even subconsciously, he’s ready to talk about something deeper.

Kayla is happy-go-lucky from a great family. She likes that I joke with her every time she walks in. But what if this week, she’s just had an argument with her mom? If I’m not super dialed in, I can hand her The Usual … and miss a chance to go deeper.

Can we keep the upside of The Usual, while eluding the downside? I think so. But I can’t do it without intentionality. I can’t do it without paying attention to the whisper of God’s Spirit — the One who knows what’s going on inside that student. Often (but not often enough), before I’m around students, I’ll pray that God will give me the ability to make students feel personally welcomed but that He’ll also give me a sense of where to dig deeper in conversation … so I don’t just unthinkingly hand them The Usual!

[Scott Rubin is the director of Elevate, the junior high ministry at Willow Creek Community Church, and will be co-leading a Point Leader breakout, "Our Biggest Mistakes, and the Things We Accidentally Got Right", with Darren Whitehead at Shift 2008.]